Broken Pieces Can Come Together Again

Maximus and Bentley, our bad dogs.

Last summer Maximus, our dog, broke a very special porcelain doll while my Dad was dog-sitting for us.  Russell was at a military training and Mom and I had went to Bowie, Texas for Haylee and Jordan's wedding. The wedding was beautiful, and I had a great time. But....when we walked in the door, I knew something was wrong. My poor Dad looked so upset.  With his face long and his voice shaky, he said, "I am sorry, but Max broke the doll in the living room. It fell off the little rocking chair and hit the duck." At first I thought little of this, (we have a lot of dolls since Granny loved them and bought them for everyone), but then it dawned on me which doll he was referring to.

I HATE THAT DUCK. Why didn't the big ugly duck break???

When I was a little girl, I was mesmerized by this doll. Granny's sister, Jewel, had made her as a special gift for Granny. Granny kept her in a special case; a safe place away from little hands and bad dogs. My Granny was a smart woman. This doll was much larger than most of the "pretty" dolls I had seen, and I honestly think that was a lot of her appeal to me. I liked big things. She had a sweet round toddler face, huge blue eyes and a bob of wispy blond hair. Her porcelain limbs were chubby and round, and every last detail was covered in baby girl perfection. She even had the prettiest blue dress on. I got in trouble time and time again for trying to hold her, and once for gently (or maybe not-so-gently) brushing her hair. I wanted her so badly, but she was not mine to touch. She was Granny's.

"She is yours now. She has always been yours, I was just holding on to her for you."

A short time before my Granny passed away, she made a comment about the doll and said something along the lines of, "She is yours now. She has always been yours, I was just holding on to her for you." After losing my Papa just a few months before, I was pretty aware that Granny was going to pass away. In some ways knowing made it easier, but in other ways it was harder.  This was one of the harder parts. I hated knowing that she knew she was dying. I certainly hated hearing her say anything about it! I remember thinking, "I do not want your stupid doll, Granny. I want you. I want Papa." But, I just hugged her and forced a smile. Because she deserved that smile. God had already taken Papa, wasn't that enough? Then it dawned on me that Granny and Papa and been together for most of their lives, and it must be terribly hard for them to be apart. Maybe God was taking Granny because He did not want HER to suffer, not to cause ME to suffer? When Granny passed, I was happy her and Papa could be together again, but I missed them both terribly. How about God takes the doll and I get to keep Granny and Papa???

I guess God did not agree with my trade because he has my grandparents and here I am with a broken doll.

 So Many Missed Moments...

The doll incident happened about a month into our marriage. So, I think that made it a little harder. It reminded me how much I wished Granny and Papa could have been there. I wish Granny could have made my wedding dress. I wish that so badly. She was a wonderful seamstress. Its not something I ever mentioned to anyone, probably because she has been gone quite some time now, and I never really expected to get married. But, as a child Granny made me lots of outfits and I always assumed she would someday make my prom dresses just as she had made my mom's and aunt's dresses. When we moved back to Seagraves, I would have never guessed that she would not live to see me go to prom. In fact, I still cannot believe she did not get to attend my wedding. My Granny was so much of the woman I hope to become, and I wish she was still here to guide me. And Papa, too. I wish he could meet Russell.  Most of all, I wish I could touch his big, strong hands. I wonder if they would still seem so big? I don't know, but God's timing is perfect, and His understanding is complete. That is enough.

Broken Pieces Can Come Together Again

I found a doll hospital in Spring, TX that can fix Granny's doll my doll. After a few months, I got the call saying they had evaluated the doll. It is going to cost at least 300 dollars to repair her and it will take about 9 months. They literally have to rebuild her. I almost broke down on the phone. It breaks my heart to know that she won't really be the same doll anymore. Her paint will be retouched by hands that are not Aunt Jewels, and her clothing will be restored by someone other than my Granny. I hate it, but I have to get her fixed. It seems illogical to pay so much money for a doll that cannot even be played with; a toy with no use. But, I have to. If Granny were still here, then maybe the doll wouldn't matter so much? At 24 years old I have spent more of my life missing my maternal grandparents than I was able to spend with them and that just plain stinks.

On a happy note, this coming weekend my Nana and Papaw, my Dad's parents, will celebrate 50 years as husband and wife. I am so thankful to have them in my life and I cannot wait to spend Valentines with them! Yes, that is right, they were married on Valentines day 50 years ago! How sweet is that?

My Nana and Papaw with Russell and I on our big day!

The Hunter's Wife