Blessings on top of Blessings
We decided once we were married that we would let God decide when to bless us with our first child. So for 11 months, we prayed for God to give us a child when the time was right. I was honestly beginning to think it would not happen. Fears of infertility flooded my mind and clouded my heart, but my sweet husband assured me time and time again that God would bless us when the time was right.
I vividly remember how I felt when that first little stick showed two pink lines. I almost did not believe it. It was the happiest feeling I have ever had encompass my soul. I couldn't wait for Russell to get home for lunch. I ran to the store and picked up a little set of hats and mittens and placed them, along with the pregnancy test in a small bag. As soon as he opened the bag, his face lit up with the most beautiful form of pure joy I have ever seen. We were going to be parents!
You call THIS perfect timing???
We found out we were pregnant on June 24, 2014. A week later we found out my husband had been offered a position in Alpine, TX and we would be moving. On top of all of this, Russell was scheduled to depart for Georgia in August to attend a scheduled military training that would last 5 months. New job, new town, new baby, absent husband. That is a lot to handle but God poured his peace over us and we relished in our new, growing blessing. Our hearts were full of happiness and trust in God's promises. He IS good and faithful.
The unplanned: Hyperemesis Gravidarum
I felt great for the first few weeks of my pregnancy. I ate only healthy, wholesome food, and I walked and worked out daily. I was determined to have the healthiest pregnancy possible! But, by 5 weeks pregnant I was staying pretty nauseated. By 7 weeks pregnant, the nausea had turned to full blown, consist, painful, vomiting. I could not even keep water down. I vomited all day and all night. A few days into my 7th week, Russell made the decision to call the on call nurse at my OB office. He explained that it had been 4 days since I had went longer than 15 minutes between vomiting. They told him to take me to the ER. We arrived and were kindly greeted by nurses with compassionate and knowing expressions on their faces. I was so dehydrated that they struggled to get a good IV in. And I could not produce enough urine for a sample, despite my best efforts. Finally they were able to give me 3 bags of fluid and some IV Zofran. The medication helped no longer than the IV was in my arm. After several hours I am sent home, hydrated, but still heaving and nauseated. As we were discharged, the nurse handed me a packet labeled: What is Hyperemesis Gravidarum.I had never heard of HG, so I did some research and immediately began pleading with God to please let this just be bad morning sickness. Please let this not last the whole pregnancy. "Please, God. Let me enjoy this special time". I tried every suggestion anyone gave me. I cannot even express how many times I vomited ginger-ale because people kept telling me it would help. The only thing that enables me to keep any food or fluids down is strong, prescription-strength medication. Well, the weeks have turned into months and the sickness hangs on strong. I am on a medication called Diclegis, and it is the only thing stopping me from constantly vomiting. It took us trying four different medications before insurance would approve my current regime. I am still sick every day, but some days are better than others and for that I am thankful. Even in my sickest moments, I am reminded of God's goodness.
Pressing on
I am 22 weeks 2 days pregnant. OVER HALF WAY!!! I am still sick. Russell is still in Georgia, and I miss him more than words could even begin to describe. Nonetheless, I am proud of him and thankful for his service to our country. He will be home soon enough and I cannot wait to have my best friend home. He is going to be so shocked the first time he hugs me :) Despite the sickness, our little bean has really grown since he left and this belly is getting BIG!!!I am still not sure why God chose to bless us with our child at the moment He did, or in the way He did, but I am grateful for the healthy, growing bean that thinks my internal organs are playground equipment. I am thankful for each flutter and kick and each day that our child is allowed to grow stronger. I am so thankful for God's hand of protection over our sweet baby.
I had planned on documenting this pregnancy via this blog from the very beginning, but once the sickness set in, I could not do anything, let alone worry about a blog. Then, once I was finally on my medication I thought of starting it up again, but my heart was still sad over the loss of the "ideal pregnancy" I had spent the last year dreaming about. I had planned on eating so healthy and working out daily. I wanted to give my baby the very best. Now I realize all I can do is the best I can, and some days that is not enough. Where I fall short; God comes in. He has protected this child from the effects of ongoing dehydration and nutrient deprivation. He will provide!
Who am I to question a God who loves me?
I have no right to feel sorry for myself. Yes, I have spent the last few month vomiting uncontrollably, struggling to gain/maintain my weight, and basically feeling completely terrible. But know what? I ASKED for this. I prayed for God to bless us with a child IN HIS TIMING. And He did. Who am I to question how God answers prayers? Inside my body, a gift is growing that many couples never get to experience. A gift some women would give anything to hold. A gift God did not have to give us. This struggle is preparing me to be a better mother and teaching me patience and acceptance in a way I have never experienced before. This distance makes me love my husband more each day: separation is being used to grow our marriage and every day our bond grows stronger. This unrelenting sickness has given me the utmost appreciation for my body and its strength. I will never again look at my body negatively. I will not stare in a mirror and think that my sides stick out a bit too much, or my cheeks are too big when I smile. I will not be offended by a number on a scale. From now on, my body is the vessel that fought for my child; the body of protection that provided nutrients from my own reserves when nutrients were not otherwise available. This body is amazing.My body is the body of a woman, a mother, and a child of God; and it exhibits nothing less than perfection. Every scar, every fault, every pound; it is all perfect. A part of God's perfect plan. A plan that once again has proved to be better than the plan I had for myself.
